Updates

End of a real eventful week. My parents will be visiting my brother. They will be going on 17th May and will be back on 28th June. I was really happy for them and a little upset because I will be all alone for my birthday knowing the fact that even Niki won't be here. But everything changed when Veer intimated that I might be traveling to US in the month of April and will be there for a month. If everything falls into place, I will be celebrating my birthday with my family in the US of A.

Yesterday was Niki's mom n dad's marriage anniversary. They invited me for dinner. Guha and Aditi were also there. I don't know why, I was feeling a little awkward there, when last time around I was really comfortable. May be the events of the night before that still have an effect. Its a little difficult to take, when you come to know things about you from someone that you knew all along (over confident arrogant bitch full of attitude to be precise). By the way I am putting it, it shouldn't be a surprise at all, but... I don't know. It is a bit saddening. I will try to behave now I guess, which I have already started. I will be more approachable, more friendly, less attitude and no sarcastic comments mind you.

Another update being, I am no more underweight. The BMI is just perfect. I realized that I am a little shorter than what I have been thinking and telling people. But thats not going to change. The big news... I donated blood! All along I was thinking I was anemic. But it was so nice to see the drop of my blood slowly sinking to the bottom of the liquid. I was really nervous and shivering throughout the donation process. In spite of that, they did manage to suck out enough quantity of blood. Its a nice feeling to know that I have plenty of something and I donated it so that someone else can get a life. Though I really doubt I will be doing it again.

Long weekend

Well... This one is a really long weekend. We got a holiday starting Thursday through Sunday of course. That makes it 4 days. I so much wanted to plan something for this. But all went down the drain. One good thing thought. Kripsa came for a week. It was a good surprise. Was really nice to see her when I wasn't expecting to.

I was contemplating on going out, but when I look at my laptop's hard drive and pile of books in front of me, I think I can pretty much make it a chilling weekend at home (well, not chilling literally with this kind of temperature) Here is the stuff on my list:

To read:
- RD Feb issue (read Jan and March issue and passed it on to Niki)
- India Today 4 issues of March
- Life of Pi (have been reading it for a real long time now. Should have finished it long time back)
- Catch 22 (have been described as best book of all times by maldi and KV. I am looking out for a good time to start it.
- Dracula (Picked up from sale at crossword. Haven't touched yet)
- Vedanta Treatise (Spiritual stuff recommended by Niki. Not sure if I am too keen. Yet to collect it from him)
- Scarlet Pimpernal (Recommended by Maldi. He says he will be giving it to me soon)

To watch:
- 8 Simple Rules season 3
- Scrubs season 4,5,6. (half of season 7 is ready for me :D)
- Chuck (not sure if I would like it)
- Frasier (season 1,7,8,9. 2 through 6 and 10,11 are ready for me)
- Heroes season 1,2 (I am dying to start this)
- 10 odd movies.

Thats like a lot of stuff to do. Its not such a bad weekend after all.

Change... finally!!

Lately I have been working too much. Trust me, too much... And I have been working on flex and cairngorm. I can confidently say that I am pretty flexible now. So much so that I am finding coding in java a little weird. Nevertheless I am liking it.

Too many things happening lately. Niki has finally got a job. Kingfisher. That is so cool. I am so happy for him. He will be going to Madrid for his type rating for a couple of months. And that is the very same time when my parents are going to US to visit my brother. I am going to be so lonely for my birthday. But thats fine. I will get my much deserved break. I was really hoping niki to be here. But thats ok. We will surely go somewhere after he starts working... provided he gets holiday.

Had a really nice weekend cooking for him and generally spending time together. I really wanted to go to the jazz concert , but couldn't find that godforsaken place only. Sad...

Happy feelings have started communicating yet again. I hope it lasts....

In your face monkey!

Bravo team India. The desire to win makes you fight till the very end. But sometimes I just wonder... Is this karma that people talk about????

Bleak

I look around at the group I hang around with, the so called "cool" guys. I don't feel I really belong there. Then I look at my family. I like them, but I get the feeling that I don't belong there either. I am trying to change the things that I shouldn't be changing. I very much know I have mended my ways of doing things, my way of thinking without any regrets. What has happened to me. Why am I so mixed up. I am having too strong views and not giving him a chance. According to me its wrong. I know I have been hypocrite in the past. I was wrong in doing something which I hate so much. But I was trying to be cool, trying to fit in you know. Now it feels why should I try to fit in when I can stand out. But again, in the process of being different, I will be standing out for the rest of my life, alone.

Nothing that I am thinking right now is helping me. I feel like a loser who is running behind something that doesn't belong to me in the process losing or having already lost what I had. I am the biggest loser on this planet by all means. I wish I had at least one person I could talk to about this. Again, the standing out has taken its toll. I feel miserable about not having anyone to share my thoughts with. Its just too sad that I can't have a single person to talk to. I am going nowhere. I am going to end up like this for rest of my life and then die without having made myself heard.