Bleak

I look around at the group I hang around with, the so called "cool" guys. I don't feel I really belong there. Then I look at my family. I like them, but I get the feeling that I don't belong there either. I am trying to change the things that I shouldn't be changing. I very much know I have mended my ways of doing things, my way of thinking without any regrets. What has happened to me. Why am I so mixed up. I am having too strong views and not giving him a chance. According to me its wrong. I know I have been hypocrite in the past. I was wrong in doing something which I hate so much. But I was trying to be cool, trying to fit in you know. Now it feels why should I try to fit in when I can stand out. But again, in the process of being different, I will be standing out for the rest of my life, alone.

Nothing that I am thinking right now is helping me. I feel like a loser who is running behind something that doesn't belong to me in the process losing or having already lost what I had. I am the biggest loser on this planet by all means. I wish I had at least one person I could talk to about this. Again, the standing out has taken its toll. I feel miserable about not having anyone to share my thoughts with. Its just too sad that I can't have a single person to talk to. I am going nowhere. I am going to end up like this for rest of my life and then die without having made myself heard.